Grandma and Grandpa Bayer



Grandma Bayer in her kitchen

I'd like to continue my theme of "days gone by" by reminiscing about my mother's parents, Grandma and Grandpa Bayer. They lived in the outskirts of Woodruff on old Farming Road (not sure of the exact name of the road, but it was something like that).

We visited them most weekends, because they lived relatively close. But it was still a drive... lots of time spent looking out car windows. I remember that the farther north we travelled, the more the landscape would change... less maple and more spruce, pine, and cedar... lots of popple. And swamps.

MANY times on the way we'd sing "Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother's house we go"-- repeatedly, with excitement. Grandma's house meant food and love. And it meant Grandma, whom I absolutely adored.

Their road was hilly and curvy. It forked two ways... to the left was their house, while the right would take you to the "warehouse" (the garbage dump where Grandpa worked). We'd turn left. One big final hill, the "tummy tickler", and we were there.

I remember their house being white, but in some early photos it had gray shingling. There was a detached garage between the house and garden that had deer antlers hung over the door. We'd enter by the back and I remember we had to climb a set of stairs that was dark and enclosed before reaching their kitchen door.



Grandpa playing cribbage with Bob and John

Inside the house was warm and the smells were good. Grandma would usually have a pot of her home-made spaghetti sauce bubbling on the stove. Grandpa and my uncles smoked, so the smell of cigarettes always mingled with the cooking smells, but it wasn't unpleasant. I thought of it as a cozy smell.

The little house was always cluttered with lots of stuff. There was an old wooden buffet in the kitchen with a variety of miscellaneous stuff on it (you can see it at right), but in particular I remember a little Buddha incense burner. I think I remember it because I was aware Dad didn't quite approve, but it was just a novelty item... Grandma was very Catholic.

There was a formica table that usually held lots of stuff in the middle. In particular I remember Grandma's bottle of liquid artificial sweetener. The stove seemed like the center of the kitchen, with Grandma usually standing over it, always wearing a house dress and apron. She had little wooden "Salty and Peppy" shakers and a crock of saved bacon grease  by the stove. The wallpaper was kind of sticky to the touch from her cooking efforts.

Her specialty was spaghetti and meatballs... I have NEVER tasted anything better. Sometimes it would be so hard to wait for the meal. If we whined enough she'd let us snack on buttered saltine cracker "sandwiches" during the wait.


Grandma and Grandpa with Jessie and Jarrod

Grandma was not very tall... about 5 feet only. After the dinner and dishes were done, she'd sit and relax. She had beautiful wavy silver hair that I would ask to comb out for her. She'd give me a red comb that was shaped like a fish skeleton (I have that comb now, and it's precious).  Sometimes she'd show me the contents of her purse, which I remember contained fascinating items like a little folded up rain scarf inside an envelope and a rectangular mirror that slid inside a plastic pocket (I will never forget the smell of that rubbery plastic. I wish I would smell it again... that would take me right back).

For me, "Grandma" meant unconditional love. She never got mad at me. She was someone to hug and sit by and she made me feel like I was really important. She had big, soft arms, that I thought of as my "pillows". She had a deep, warm voice that filled the room with her energy and spirit.

Her and Grandpa clearly loved each other very much. I'm not sure how I knew that... they weren't all lovey dovey. But it was just a quiet fact in the air, never doubted, just a given. He seemed so different than her... tall and thin, quiet, an outdoors kind of guy while Grandma was an in-the-house person. But she was his Betty and he was her Elton. I have one magical memory of them dancing the polka in the living room, with Lawrence Welk on.

What do I remember about Grandpa? That he loved to play cribbage and horseshoes. That he called our pine forest the "tall timbers". That he was proud of his garden and that he was a hard worker. I never saw him yell or get mad either. He liked to have a grandchild sitting on his lap. He seemed to especially like our little golden-haired Laurie. I remember thinking "Laurie's Grandpa's girl and I'm Grandma's girl."

I have one early memory of arriving at their house on a cold winter day. Grandpa was outside in front of the garage, gutting a rabbit. I had never seen that done before. I was somewhat alarmed by the gory aspect of it, but he was so matter-of-fact about it I understood it was a natural thing to do. And because it was winter, steam rose up from the inside of the just-killed rabbit. That's the part that mesmerized me. The effect was almost mystical, like the steam was the life of the rabbit, rising up and turning into air.

Off the side of the kitchen was a "utility room" where Grandma kept her electric organ. There was a washer, dryer, and ironing board in there, as well as a guest bed. I remember a calendar hanging on the wall.

The living room had a wood stove in the corner where you first came in, and when the stove was in use the living room got quite hot. They always kept their bedroom door shut so it stayed cold in there. I remember standing ashtrays in the living room and a shelf with knick-knacks including a little boy smiling with wild black hair added (he looked like my brother Don, and appropriately I think Mom gave the little statue to Don).



Grandma and Mom in Mom's shop

 There were a few special places we liked to play outside. There were "terraces" at the front of the house that were supposed to be off-limits to us because there was an old septic system somewhere there... but I remember picking berries in that area. There was an oak tree with a tire swing in the field. And there was a path through the woods that led to their neighbor Gary's house. I remember following Grandpa along the path a few times to visit Gary and Vernie and see their garden.

And then there were the uncles, my mom's brothers. Uncle David was the youngest and the one I saw most frequently. He was handsome and smart and often had a girlfriend around... I remember there was a Cathy and then a Jackie. He was always very nice to me and I thought of him as my "cool" uncle. Years later when he had Jenny and Josh I made sure I gave Jenny a lot of attention, remembering how nice Uncle David had been to me when I was little.

Sometimes Uncle Jimmy was there. A couple of times he embarrassed me by singing "Mona Lisa" when I entered the room (but I was secretly pleased). I was pretty shy of him because I didn't see him as often.

Uncle Chuck was sometimes there, visiting from Racine. He's the one who got me feeling proud of my Italian heritage. He was a great cook, too... though sometimes when he was making meatballs he'd fix himself a "cannibal sandwich" of raw hamburger and that seemed pretty icky. But he had great charisma and a warm, outgoing personality. We had a lot of fun playing with Michael and Paulie when they were there.

Uncle Donny had a house nearby and three sons-- Joel, Jessie, and Jarrod (spelling?). They were our usual playmates when we came for a visit. They were a little bit more wild than us but always fun to play with.

I don't remember Uncle Kenny directly... he died in a car accident when I was little. But a large picture of him was always prominent on their living room wall. He looked so handsome... he had Grandpa's bone structure and deep-set eyes, but the eyes themselves were soft and brown like Grandma's.

And then there were all the Great Aunts and Uncles that we sometimes saw. Above is a picture of Grandma's sister, my Great Aunt Laura, with Grandpa's sister Maude (and Grandpa at right). Mom explained that they're holding hands because this was taken after Grandma's funeral. I'm glad to see Grandpa had a smile on his face in the photo, but he didn't live long after Grandma's passing... only about a year. Grandma had had heart trouble so her death wasn't entirely unexpected, but Grandpa had always seemed fit and healthy to me, so it was a big shock. But he was lonely. I remember visiting him after Grandma had died, and noticed that the house was now neat as a pin... but it felt empty.

I wish I could have gotten to know all of these relatives, especially my grandparents, as an adult. But I am lucky to have so many warm childhood memories of them. These memories are more about smells, colors, and feelings, but they will stay with me forever. Such a wonderful time. I wonder what parts of their childhoods my own children will remember.

Susan and Mom's Birthdays

Today is my stepdaughter Susan's birthday, so I thought I'd post a nostalgic picture of her... now everybody say "aww." I met Susan when she was four; today she's 24. Hard to believe how the years fly by. 

These days Susan works as a Physician's Asst. at a urology center in Kentucky. She lives with her fiance Jay. The two of them are getting married this summer (in Wisconsin!) so these are exciting times for both.

Susan may live a few states away and not get mentioned in this blog as often as she should, but she's part of our daily life. I think just about every single day my daughter Emma texts her and/or sends her silly pictures of herself (I know because she uses my cell phone to do so). Susan always takes the time to answer back and make Emma feel loved. Emma's lucky to have such a wonderful role model and sister-friend in her life.

Susan has the same kind of regular contact with her dad, who is on the road a lot and appreciates her keeping in touch. She's accessible to all through emails and Facebook, remembers the kids' birthdays with a card and a call, and has even started writing long "snail mail" letters to Grandma Jane, which I know have been very well received.

What more can I say about this wonderful young woman? To start, whenever I read a really good book, I think of her. We have had great conversations about books and I'm always bugging her to add this or that one to her reading list. She is smart and perceptive and funny. She truly cares about other people but also has an insight into them... why we do the things we do. She's interested in family history and loves antique stores (and is extremely fun to shop with). She has always seemed like an old soul to me.

She's teaching herself how to quilt and knit, she's a whiz at Sodoku and the other mind-sharpening games she plays. She's very motivated... she finished highschool a year early and whizzed her way through college. At age 23 she bought her own house and her own car. Now she's applying that same determination toward physical fitness, working out twice a day. She's introduced me to some great eclectic music and has helped me become more tech saavy. The best part is that, while we've always gotten along well, now that she's older, we're friends. We can sit down with a cup of coffee and talk about (just about) anything.

But Susan's not the only important person in my life who's had a birthday recently. My mother celebrated hers a few days ago (and she happens to have the same birthday as Jon's brother Eric, so Happy Birthday, Eric!).

When Dad's birthday came around I spent some time talking about his good qualities (at least the ones that have stood out to me, as his child). I think Mom deserves blog time, too, don't you?

To begin, I wonder how many quilts, pillows, potholders, placemats, etc. my mom has made over the years. No doubt it's in the many hundreds. Our house alone has well over a dozen quilts she's given us. I have so many pillows and potholders from her I change them according to season. She has always found ways to keep her hands busy and in the process has made many beautiful, colorful, useful items for her family and friends.

Mom is very generous. She always spent what little money she had on her children and others, rather than herself. I remember one winter how hard she worked collecting pine boughs for wreaths so she could make a little extra money for our Christmas. She's always calling me to see what sizes the kids are, or telling me what she found for them on sale. This Christmas I'm pretty sure the kids got more items from her than we gave them ourselves!

Mom is fun. Now, this wasn't always apparent to me when I was a teenager. But she doesn't take herself too seriously and likes to relax and be goofy around us sometimes. When I was younger I wished she'd wear make-up and dress up like some of the other moms did (especially the TV moms), but now that I'm older I admire that she is so unselfconscious and natural. She is very fun to shop with and enjoys the little pleasures of life like eating at the Chinese restaurant in Rhinelander with her family. She is very family-oriented.

Mom was always there for us. When we were little she was a stay-at-home mom, and this was a big sacrifice on her part. She had very little spending money or independence. Living out in the country as we did, Mom was pretty isolated from other adults. She never got to go out and do things without us. And she had the relatively thankless job of laundry, dishes, and housework... the kind of work where as soon as it's done, you start all over again. Never ending.

As we got older, I'm sorry to say,  Mom put up with a lot of eye rolling and sarcasm from her oh-so-sophisticated teenagers. But she hung in there until we were better able to perceive her good qualities (and some of us are starting to experience that special form of "payback" in the form of eye rolling and sarcasm from our own kids).

One thing I've come to appreciate about Mom is her thrift. She doesn't waste anything. She composted, gardened, and recycled years before "saving the earth" was fashionable. She saved plastic food containers for storage and kept every little gift we ever gave her. These kind of practices can contribute to a crowded house (so can having six kids), but they can also lead to a bounty of treasures: Mom saved a lot of our childhood artwork, writings, and personal items, and when we were old enough to want and appreciate them, she gave them back.

One interest that Mom and I share now is a love of gardening. Jon and I try to grow as many of our own vegetables as possible, but onions and carrots just don't seem to grow well in our soil. Luckily they grow very well in the sandy soil of Rhinelander. Mom always makes sure to give us her surplus.

So thank you, Mom, for all you do and have done. And happy birthday. I wanted to close with a video of Jack WALKING (yes, he walks now), but it wouldn't download so that'll have to wait for another day.

Coming soon (next blog): my memories of Mom's parents, my Grandma and Grandpa Bayer, and their home in Woodruff.